Have you ever noticed what a nation of excuse-makers the British are? Everyone knows about our favourite topic, the weather, in all its mysterious villain-swooshing-a-blackand-red-cape glory. But our third most chosen conversation filler (after whingeing) is making excuses. Sadly, this also means we are a nation of liars. How many excuses have you used that were the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Ill put money on it being virtually none. Its taken the COVID-19 pandemic for me to notice this uncomfortable fact as I, and presumably (hopefully?) others, find the usual rationalisations behind our behaviour wanting. Take one of my favourites, the traffic. Wrong-footed by its absence recently, this common excuse is now valid only on hot days for coast-dwellers. Sorry Im late, the traffic was awful, I pronounced as I arrived behind time for the one event this quarter (outdoor, socially distanced, full PPE and body armour) that required me to use my car. I was hoping the tongue-in-cheek delivery would deflect attention from any further investigation. After a round of semi-appreciative giggles (well it was more like a single snort of derision, if Im honest), the follow-up was searching. So why are you late? Curious. Suspicious. Because Im a disorganised, slightly chaotic individual who finds it difficult to marshal myself out of the house and I sometimes need to return a few times to check the gas is off, the doors are locked and I have switched off the iron, somehow does not seem an acceptable reason. Although it is way nearer reality. Maybe we will start becoming more truthful about our behaviour and motivations post-COVID As I searched for this truth, it suddenly dawned on me why people lie about their failures to avoid the unpalatable reality of our character. Take DIY. Youve put off that project for... oooh, 15 years now, claiming that you havent got time. Since lockdown, thats not true, is it? Have a look deep inside. You will probably find that you arent doing it because you cant be bothered or simply dont feel like it. This is not socially acceptable because we all love to paint ourselves as hardworking do-gooders trapped by circumstances. Admit it: the truth is you will never feel like it. Video-conferencing eliminates another raft of the dog ate my homework absolutions. I can hardly claim to be back late from a breakout room because I left my coffee there and had to go back, can I? All those who were relaxing, safe in the belief that teleportation was the sci-fi dream of a distant future were in for a rude awakening with the dawning of a new era, worshipping the gods of Zoom, Teams and the like. I couldnt log on, is very weak when the truth is that you werent even trying. So how was my progress from lounge to study so impeded I arrived 15 minutes late for that webinar? (Annoying jingle). This, just in from the Speight residence. Fallen washing across the hallway has led to a long tailback with queues stretching as far as the kitchen. Traffic is expected to return to normal once Karen feels like draining the suds pump on the washing machine. (Annoying jingle). Maybe we will start becoming more truthful about our behaviour and motivations post-COVID. Then again, that just wouldnt be British. Ill have to think of a new set of excuses. S I D EWAYS LOO K No more excuses