DASH TRASH Changing attitudes Imagine Sir Douglas Bader travels via a time machine to the modern world By Dash Trash I was recently notified that a passenger was bringing an emotional support dog on board. This was the first time Idcome across such a thing, and I was initially sceptical. However, a little thought made me realise that this growing trend could have use in our own profession as, since the introduction of EASA FTLs, I could do with a little emotional support or am I just confusing that with sleep? This changing attitude in society was highlighted when a friend started to worry about the number of trees hed need to plant to offset the carbon used on a flight he was thinking of taking. Apparently, its about 10 for a flight to the eastern United States although, if flying to the US, you dont have to worry about it because, according to Mr Trump, global warming doesnt happen there. There are other areas where our operations manuals havent kept up with contemporary thought. Take de-icing, for instance. I mean, what do you do if you have snowflakes on your aircraft? Id be tempted to tell them to get over their sense of entitlement and stop taking offence at everything but, I have to admit, squirting deicing fluid at them and calculating a holdover time before you can squirt them again sounds much more fun! Anyway, this made me realise I was falling behind the modern zeitgeist, needed to take a good hard look at my own attitudes and behaviour, and embrace political correctness. So,in future, when air traffic directs us to a remote parking position, I will refrain from commenting that we are going onto a caesarean stand (one where you dont have to push); or when the Lufty gets line-up clearance ahead of us remarking thats because their crew got up early this morning and put their towel on the threshold. Embracing diversity Luckily at my airline, Bysea, we are incredibly diverse and, on our flight decks, have people of differing sexual orientations, countries of origin, and even minorities such as women. (In case any snowflakes hadnt realised, that last bit was what I call irony.) Of course, people of different generations may have problems embracing such diversity. Some time ago, The Log published an article entitled The Time Machine so imagine Sir Douglas Bader, famously disabled World War II fighter ace, transported by such a device from his Battle of Britain fighter station to the present day: Right chaps, hoist me into my cockpit. Sir, if I can just stop you there; we prefer the gender-neutral phrase flight compartment, as the term cockpit is derived from the name for a male fowl and is, therefore, considered an egregious example of linguistic man spreading. Oh well all right, hoist me into my, erm flight compartment and lets get this kite. Ah yes, may have a bit of a problem with that sir; health and safety, you see, as pertaining to manual handling. Im afraid we will have to wait for the ambilift Im told it will be about 30 minutes. Thats ridiculous, by then vile Hun will be over our shores. Couple of issues there, sir. The first is that, irrespective of operational pressures, we are required to respect the rights of the differently abled, so the squadron will not be able to depart until you are safely in your flight compartment. And, secondly, the Germans are now our European allies, so the phrase vile Hun would be considered grossly inappropriate. But damn it, man, we must engage the enemy over the Channel. I think you need to be a bit careful there, sir. Shooting at people, even in a lifeand-death combat scenario, can lead to you being hounded by a historic allegations enquiry and sued by human rights lawyers at taxpayers expense. We were thinking more in terms of a hearts-and-minds operation. What lily-livered nonsense but I suppose at least my dog and squadron mascot can see us off on our mission. Sorry sir; health and safety again. An animal loose on the airfield would constitute a hazard, and a public health risk, what with it doing its business everywhere. Well, I have to say that all this has made me feel quite upset and out of sorts. Well why didnt you say so earlier? Ifthe absence of your pet is causing you distress, we can designate it an emotional support animal, and then its presence on the airfield becomes perfectly acceptable. I NEEDED TO TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT MY OWN ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOUR, AND EMBRACE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS