HELP THE STIGMA By Jamie Harms, Total Safety Manager, RAF Valley 6,000 30,000 There are, on average, 6,000 suicides per year in the UK, and 30,000 in the USA law of probabilities, however – and considering the brain is just another organ – why wouldn’t it break? Anyway, my brain was definitely non-operational. No-one could tell me why it was unserviceable, which – needless to say – was one of my biggest frustrations. The dichotomy of being an alpha male – but also a modern man – means that, while I accept others with mental health issues need support, I struggle to see myself as someone with ‘mental health issues’. Subjectively, I see how bizarre that is – especially considering that a physical health issue originating from a rugby injury would be considered a badge of respect. So why isn’t a mental health injury a rite of passage, too? I can promise you, it’s a lot more gruelling to deal with. There were times during my depression when I felt very alone in my sadness, and there were times when I felt lost and confused. The trouble with depression and suicide is that no-one knows what to say. No-one knows how to react. So they smile and attempt distraction, but they never say the word. Once the medical teams have made their assessment, taken action and ensured that support is in place, the survivors are often left to survive on their own. This isn’t an indictment of the medical services; my experience of the support has been faultless. The loneliness comes from the silence. I experienced endless waves of emotion in the days, weeks, months and even years living with this invisible black cloud. The ‘whys’ kept me up at night, causing me to float through each day in a state of perpetual exhaustion. Why was my brain broken? Why had depression picked me? Why couldn’t I just pull myself together? Sometimes I cried without reason. Sometimes I sat perfectly still, watching the waves crash down on Rhosneigr Beach and hoping for a sign that I was on the mend. Sometimes I silently scolded myself for not seeing the warning signs. Sometimes I bargained with God, or anyone else who might be in charge up there. Let me get better. Yes, I experienced a range of emotions before making peace with my lot, accepting the sadness and just being depressed. But one thought that never – not even for one second – crossed my mind was this ill-informed opinion that suicide is selfish. Suicide is a lot of things, but selfish isn’t one of them. Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, as if there is no way out, trapped and isolated – these are all common among people who suffer from depression. PEOPLE WHO SAY SUICIDE IS SELFISH ALWAYS REFERENCE THE PEOPLE LEFT BEHIND. BUT THOSE LOVED ONES ARE THE REASON MANY PEOPLE HANG ON FOR JUST ONE MORE DAY People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the people left behind. It’s selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members, they say. They’re not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don’t know is that those loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors – probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul- crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling there is no alternative – as if the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure. In the same way that a damaged liver can no longer play a central role in all metabolic processes in the body, the damaged brain struggles to fight suicidal thoughts. Until you’ve stared down that level of depression – until you’ve lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness – you don’t get to make those judgements. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgements and spreading that kind of negativity won’t help the next person. It will only hurt others’ – and potentially your own – chance of survival. As the world mourned the loss of actor Robin Williams, people everywhere were left feeling helpless and confused. How could someone who appeared so happy be so very depressed? The truth is that many people face the same struggle each and every day. Some will commit suicide. Some will attempt. And some will hang on for dear life. Most won’t be able to ask for the help that they need. You can help Know the warning signs for suicide; 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don’t answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn’t about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present. Reach out to survivors of suicide. Practise using the words ‘suicide’ and ‘depression’ so they roll off the tongue as easily as ‘Starbucks’ and ‘bowtie management’. Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands (well, maybe not in the crew room – awkward). Be kind with their hearts. Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don’t be afraid to check in over and over again. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or a survivor’s guilt. In the UK, men remain around three times more likely to take their own lives than women, but we must pay attention to the risks in both genders. There are, on average, 6,000 suicides per year in the UK, and 30,000 in the USA. Will you start talking about suicide and depression? Will you help smash the stigma? Reproduced by kind permission of Air Clues magazine A former Sea Harrier pilot makes the hard decision to speak out about his struggles with mental health that led to a suicide attempt am a survivor of a suicide attempt. It still feels strange making that statement. I went on the Care of the Trainee course at RAF Cranwell – and no, that isn’t why I attempted suicide, but suicide was one of the topics that came up for discussion. It was handled well by the military staff, who were clearly familiar with the briefing material, but I sensed a reticence from the other attendees to talk about it. Perhaps it’s the stigma or their ignorance of the subject; perhaps it’s the social taboos surrounding the event. Either way, I was shocked when one of the audience said suicide was a selfish act. It made me angry; it made me question their right to be in attendance – but it also made me question myself. I don’t talk about my suicide attempt much these days. I’ve reached the point where it feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t make a plan and I had no perspective of time during the event. It just ‘was’. My depression wasn’t the result of a life-changing occurrence, it was simply that my brain got poorly – it wasn’t working properly. Every day in the crew room we moan about bad sinuses, ‘man flu’, sore ligaments and sprained ankles. But we hardly ever talk about broken brains. Thinking about the SUICIDE HELP THE STIGMA By Jamie Harms, Total Safety Manager, RAF Valley